You may have heard of the phrase “self talk” or even more simply, “the things you tell yourself”. In this article, we explore some myths about self talk, some opportunities for mental health outcomes, and where all this has come from.

Rejected by peers
When you’re a school student, young, bright-eyed, and happy go lucky, one of the hardest things to have happen to you, is some other student saying something mean to you. As any parent knows, you can see their little face crumple, and the acute pain of rejection and hurt shown as plainly on their demeanor as their heart is on their sleeve. It’s hard to watch, and even harder for the youngster. This emotional turmoil and betrayal is what we’re dealing with here. Most children are bullied a little at some point in their lives, and develop a bit of a thick skin about the world reaching out and biting them. This is a good thing, it prepares them for adult life (or so we tell ourselves). However, if a child is constantly put down, it can permanently affect their confidence and self-esteem. It’s a difficult and trying topic.

Self talk
Now imagine that the bully is with you 24/7, their voice is inescapable, and they know all the little flaws and mistakes that you’ve ever made, in greater detail and with more emotional ammunition at hand than any other human. We are, of course, talking about your own self, and the way you talk to yourself. Suddenly, framed this way, it seems dangerous and bizarre for anyone to allow negative self talk into their routine and life. So why do we do it?

Toughness
In many cultures, there’s a certain machismo, a certain level of toughness shown to those close to us, often as a way of bringing the children up to be tough, but it can also come from a place of insecurity and avoidance (see also; avoidant personality type). We think that allowing yourself to feel pain, or showing that you’re in pain, is a sign of weakness. Frame it this way, and it’s a short step to thinking that if you talk down to yourself, you’re going to be able to take anything the world throws at you. It’s a macho thing, a tough guy thing, a ‘we’ll show them’ thing. The problem with this, is that it’s easy to be tough to someone else, but when it comes to your own mental and physical health, being tough on yourself will actually cause harm. Your body is a complex thing, and has to be treated with a certain level of care to function properly. Without the right care, it will break down. If you’re constantly telling yourself that you shouldn’t be feeling a certain way, or that you’re not good enough, on any level, physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual, you’ll find it harder to adapt to challenges, and you will be more likely to be weaker, in fact. Not stronger. So digest that for a moment, if you’re a tough one, or you want tough children.

Self talk and mental health
Negative self talk can become a problem in relation to mental health. If you’re going through a difficult time, and have been for a while, you may begin to talk to yourself negatively. There are cases where you’re disappointed with yourself for valid and rational reasons, then this can be a normal and healthy way to correct course in your life, and keep you from running off the rails. You should however, keep it in perspective. If you’re depressed, or going through a hard time, it’s easy to talk down to yourself, and be harsh with yourself. One of the ways that it’s easy to do this is to compare yourself with others, and think that you’re being hard on yourself because you’re not as good as they are. Don’t let negative self talk become a mental health issue. You can improve it.

Improving your self talk
Like any long term, ingrained behavior, it can be exceptionally difficult to decide to change. But once you’ve started, the benefits are huge, and well worth the long and gradual climb towards positive self talk. It will take time, effort and feelings of silliness, but if you can push through them, golden confidence awaits you. Counselling from an objective third party who is being paid to help you solve your negative self talk issues, may speed things up. It’s easy to dismiss praise from a lover or friend, but it’s harder to dismiss from an objective expert. So I suggest that you try it, there’s little to lose. If the voice in your mind is currently your biggest detractor, it can feel like an insurmountable obstacle to defeat it. In times of stress, if you’re usually shouting “you’ll never achieve anything” in the voice of an evil villain, things can seem bleak. However, with training, time and effort, your inner voice can become calming, positive and honest, like a medical narration voice over, carefully and precisely confirming the objective facts. It’s not impossible to turn “This was never going to work, everyone is laughing at you” into “You did miss your first shot at the hoop, however, you usually get the ball in at least half the time, so it’s worth giving it another go. Also, everyone is just laughing, not laughing at you.”

Conclusion
Self talk is an important part of mental health, and can play a key role in the development of mental health issues. It’s important to avoid creating a negative self talk cycle, and learning to observe and correct your self talk can be a helpful skill to develop. It will take time, effort and a bit of vulnerability, but it will pay off.